Helene D. Gayle

Heading in to the Forbes Women’s Summit, I was feeling a bit demoralized – some days the statistics just get to me.

-       Women hold only 16% of board seats at Fortune 500 companies

-       Only 45 of the Fortune 1000 CEOs are women

-       Women earn just 77 cents to a dollar earned by men

Beyond the numbers, it seems like we see images of the same women leaders repeatedly – Marissa Mayer, Oprah Winfrey and Sheryl Sandberg. And while I love seeing these women, their omnipresence makes it easy to forget that there are others.

The Forbes Women’s Summit changed that for me; 200 exceptional participants were there to talk about innovation, leadership, STEM, and connectivity. Here are a few powerful women that should be higher up on your inspirational radar:

Susan Hockfield, First Female President of MIT

Last year Hockfield stepped down after serving 8 years as the 16^th President of MIT and the University’s first female president. After spending years as a professor of neurology and then Provost, at Yale, Hochfield left for MIT where she will return next year to resume her professorship. A wife and mother of a college student, Hockfield sits on the board of General Electric and Qualcomm.

Janet Napolitano, US Secretary of Homeland Security
The first woman to serve as Secretary of Homeland Security, Napolitano is charged with keeping the United States, its citizens and the President safe. Before she was appointed to this post, she was Governor of Arizona and named one of the top five governors in the country. Napolitano envisions more women in office and it starts with getting more women to run. As she explains, “You can’t win if you don’t run.”

Kat Cole, President of Cinnabon

Kat Cole is credited with turning Cinnabon into a billion dollar brand and she has even bigger plans for the future. Raised by a single mother who worked three jobs to support the family, Cole’s unusual path began as a Hooters waitress in her teens and she ascended on the business side, spending her next 10 years there and tripling the companies revenues. Now at the helm of Cinnabon, a Focus Brands company, her plans for expansion are even bigger. Cole loves a challenge. As she says, “Leaning in against headwinds makes us stronger, more nimble and more creative.”

Ellen Kullman, Chair of the Board and CEO of DuPont

As the 19^th CEO in DuPont’s history and the first woman to hold the position, Kullman has run the 60,000 employee chemical company for the last four years, boasting almost 40 Billion dollars in annual sales. She is a former Director of General Motors, a mother of three and is committed to addressing the American skills gap in science, technology, engineering and math (STEM).

Helene Gayle, President and CEO of CARE USA

If you want to see a woman who commands a room simply by her presence, look no further than powerhouse, Gayle. As the CEO of Care.org, Gayle oversees 10,000 employees fighting poverty in 84 countries. Before taking the helm at CARE, Gayle was with the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation and spent 20 years with the Centers for Disease Control.

Samantha Ettus is the leading lifestyle and parenting expert for working women. She is the founder of Working Moms Lifestyle, a bestselling author and speaker. Connect with her at @samanthaettus.

1. Be unapologetic about your lifestyle. Making excuses for working is like wearing a short skirt and constantly pulling on it.
2. Have a school network – two moms you can count on in each child’s grade. If you help them when you can, it will be easier to ask for help when you need it.
3. Spend a night out each week – a date night or an evening with friends. This is your fuel; don’t let your tank run dry.
4. Disconnect to Connect. Turn off the technology for a set time each day so that you are present when you are with your family.
5. Do all of your errands within the Golden Triangle – home, office and school. From the dentist to the hair salon, make no exceptions.
6. Treat your arrivals and departures like a train schedule. Predictability makes you more successful at home and at work.
7. Beware of the “Flextime Fantasy.” If you have a flexible career, establish set daily hours so that you don’t lose time reinventing your schedule each day.
8. As soon as the school calendar arrives, add it to yours. This way you can plan around the school play and the parent teacher conference.
9. Sundays are big for you. Plan every detail of the week’s schedule down to the meals and who’s making them. This will reduce conflict, ease stress and save time.
10. Don’t get so attached to your sitter that you can’t see her faults. Spot-check by arriving home unexpectedly to see what happens when you are not there.
11. Help your spouse to be a partner. Praise more than criticize and create opportunities for him to do every task you do.
12. Divide and conquer. Being partners means sharing the responsibilities, divided by your strengths, and pitching in on any as needed.
13. Write it all down. From the grocery list to the lunchbox ingredients, you can’t delegate unless you get it out of your head and on paper.
14. Nurture your marriage with daily 20-minute check-ins. Keeping in touch with your own partner is vital to a strong bond.
15. Synchronize your sleep schedules. Going to bed at the same time together leads to a healthy sex life.
16. You can never show your kids too much affection. Shower them in it and watch them thrive.
17. Triathletes win or lose races based on transitions. Keep all supplies in their place (cubbies for each family member) and pick clothing the night before.
18. Foster a strong family culture by celebrating occasions big and small – birthdays, new seasons. Create rituals e.g. Friday night family movies.
19. Expect stress and roller coasters but remember that bad moments are not “bad days” or “bad weeks.” They are moments. Make this a family philosophy.
20. Aim to have at least one focused meal a day with your children no matter how crazy work can get.
21. If you can’t host play dates during the week, do it on the weekends so that you get to know your child’s friends and their families.
22. Personal maintenance is not discretionary. Incorporate exercise into the “train schedule” and if you feel best with a weekly manicure, add it too.
23. Keep a positive connection with your kids all week long by planning a weekend event for them to look forward to. Start talking about it on Monday; anticipation is half the fun.
24. Identify kid-friendly errands and make a habit of bringing them along. From the supermarket to the car wash, no need to spend this time away from them.
25. Be proactive about what you can do. If you aren’t available for weekday opportunities, volunteer to coach the soccer team on Saturdays.

Samantha Ettus is the leading lifestyle and parenting expert for working women. She is the founder of Working Moms Lifestyle, a bestselling author and speaker. Connect with her at @samanthaettus.

Phyllis Schlafly and New York Magazine's "Retro Wife"

Though I wish America could ignore New York Magazine’s “Retro Wife” cover story, the lesson of Phyllis Schlafly forces us to pay attention. The “Retro Wife” here is Kelly Makino, who stays home with the kids, “spoils” her husband, and wants her daughters to “have a career that you can walk away from at the drop of a hat.” This is 2013. It feels like we are stepping back in time, so let’s really go back:

“Today, the Chicago State House fell just five votes short and the dream of women having equal rights to men is over.“

This was not the early 1900s, it was 1980. Wedged between Michael Jackson’s “Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough” and the King of Pop’s “Thriller,” the United States voted down equal rights for women.

Though hard to believe, it is vital to remember. Those five votes in Chicago are the reason why, no matter how absolutely ridiculous the New York Magazine portrayal of husband-doting-homemaker Kelly Makino appears, we have to pay attention. In 1980, the “Retro Wife” was Phyllis Schlafly. Today, she is Kelly Makino.

Why should one “Retro Wife” matter so much?  Because a culture of “Retro Wives” can bring the American way of life to a grinding halt.

As a “Retro Wife,” Phyllis Schlafly saw it as her duty to provide for the defense of “the real rights of women” which she defined as “the right to be in the home as a wife and a mother.” It was this mantra and her determination that led to the defeat of an amendment supported by politicians ranging from Ted Kennedy and George Wallace, to Presidents Nixon, Ford and Carter. And despite the amendment’s overwhelming passage by Congress, Phyllis Schlafly led the movement that defeated equal rights for all women.

Ironically, Phylis Schlafly was a hardcore working mom.  She sold three million copies of her book and led a grass roots movement over 25 years, that required her to be on the road continuously. Despite fighting against equal rights for women, when it came to her own career, she leaned in as hard as any woman ever has. And, in the PBS special, MAKERS: Women Who Make America, she reflected, “I’m very proud of my family and my six children, but teaching conservatives that it is possible to win, that was a real accomplishment and that would be the one I’m most proud of.”

The defeat of the Equal Rights Amendment meant that all progress in creating an environment that supports working women stopped. Why is this an American issue and not just another round in the mommy battles?  Because retro wives like Phylllis Schlafly and Kelly Makino delay the forward progress of our economic system and that impacts every American.

Here’s how:

Today, a critical stop on the assembly line of the American worker is graduation from college. Follow the graduates of the top 100 universities in the United States, and you will find an overwhelming number of them in leadership positions. You’ll find them creating policies in Washington, leading schools, and running Fortune 500 companies and non-profits.

Now, wipe out 57% of them. 57% of our top graduates are women.

We have an assembly line popping out future leaders, more than half of which are women, and a working environment that doesn’t support them. This is a problem not just for women, but for the American economy facing a colossal brain drain.

It takes about 20 years from graduation to being in the “belly of the pipeline,” the point where top graduates become top leaders. It is during these critical years that women are both vital and vulnerable. Unsupported by the companies and the culture that surrounds them, they leave the “assembly line.” As Lisa Belkin explains, they are not opting out; they are being pushed out.

If we can’t change the system and change it quickly, the American factory that produces such a powerful output, that provides our defense and our infrastructure, that provides our paychecks and the many things we enjoy, is going to lose 57% of its raw material. Imagine trying to build a car when 57% of the parts are missing.

It is 33 years since we ceded our power to Schlafly and we should tolerate “Retro Wives” speaking for the masses even less today. There is a direct correlation between women in the workforce and a country’s productivity. According to Goldman Sachs, “A reduction in barriers to female labor force participation would increase the size of America’s GDP by 9%.” This is not a “mommy war” – this is a battle for America’s future – and none of us can afford another generation of “Retro Wives” impeding American promise.

If the image of Phyllis Schlafly scares you, the “Retro Wife” should terrify you.

To the “Retro Wives” like Kelly, I say, “You have the right to live your life how you want to; you can lean back so far that you’re lying down. That’s your choice.  But if a reporter shows up to portray you as a model of American life, say one of two things, ‘My life is not a model for America. In 70% of our households with children, all adults work. We need to create more policies and a cultural shift toward supporting the 57% of our graduates who are women so they can go out and produce the life that I enjoy.’ And if you can’t do that, just say, ‘No comment.’”

As a leading lifestyle and parenting expert for working women, Samantha Ettus specializes in coaching the busiest parents on the planet. She is a bestselling author, radio host, and speaker. Join her community here or connect with her here. 

Samantha Ettus playing tennis at 17

We have been conditioned to look outside of us for confidence but what if you looked to yourself? Here is an exercise that will result in an infusion of your own courage.

Start by thinking of a time when you were at your most confident. Not of an age, but a memory. And I don’t mean the last time you went zip lining. But how about the time you asked for a raise, took on responsibilities beyond your experience or cold called that new business prospect?

Here is a time that I look back to, a time when I completely Leaned In, unencumbered by self-doubt, politics or any of the other blocks that we allow to hold us back.

When I had just finished my senior year in high school, I scored a summer internship at Viacom. I was very young for the program so they tucked me away in the human resources department far from their sexy properties like MTV or VH1. I was the frontline for screening secretarial resumes and I was elated by this responsibility. If I spotted a typo, I was told to discard the resume. I learned a lot.

The annual summer picnic was coming up and the office was abuzz; a day off for the entire company at a local camp to mingle, eat, and play.

I had heard that Viacom’s CEO, Frank Biondi was a “great tennis player.” That fall I would be headed to college to play tennis for Harvard and my competitive spirit was lifted. I wondered how great a middle-aged male tennis player could really be, and, I thought, what a great way to forge a relationship with the CEO. Yes, this is how my 17-year-old self actually thought. That hasn’t changed.

Via interoffice memo – this was 1990 – I sent him an invitation. Would he like to play a match against a nationally ranked tennis player aka me, “the summer intern,” at the company picnic? Two days later my boss, a secretary in HR, approached me with a confused and slightly irritated expression.  “Frank Biondi’s secretary is on the line for you.” Unfazed, I picked up the phone: “Mr. Biondi will see you at the courts at 2pm.” she said. Game on.

It was the day of the picnic. As soon as I arrived, Collette, the director of human resources, became my constant companion. Until then, I didn’t think she knew my name. I headed to the courts, Collette by my side, and Mr. Biondi was just finishing up playing with some of his C level colleagues. We started our match and began to draw a crowd.

Word had gotten around that Mr. Biondi was in a tight match with the female intern. Suddenly there were hundreds of spectators watching.  It was close and I barely eeked out a win at 7-5. We went to shake hands and to my surprise (and naiveté!), he was less than happy.  Mr. Biondi could barely utter a “Great match” to me, but I was too swarmed to care. There were heads of departments and managers and interns; all were excited to meet me.

For the rest of the summer at Viacom, wherever I went, I had friends. Mr. Biondi,’s office however, never called again.

When I look back now, I marvel at the courage and fearlessness I had at that time. It was before the lessons of corporate politics, before the ramifications of risk taking were a part of my calculus. It was before a time when voices of “no” even entered my mind. I had a strength that I trusted and I did not let anything stand in my way.

What was your moment of audacity? When you were so clearly certain of what would go right that you had no fear of what might go wrong?  Think of that moment when you meet your next opportunity.

Woman-power symbol (clenched fist in Venus sign). עברית: כוח נשים (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

From the beginning, Marissa Mayer didn’t want to be the working moms mascot. When she announced that she was only taking two weeks of maternity leave, Marissa Mayer was saying “I won’t be the working moms poster girl.” Months later, her war on tele-commuters is met with shock and horror. Believe her now?

But instead of lambasting Marissa Mayer for her tragic policy, let’s support her. Mayer needs a mentor who can show her that she can be a powerful CEO without pretending that she does not identify with women and moms. I volunteer Sheryl Sandberg for this role. She is just down the road in Silicon Valley and she could show Mayer how to lean in to being a leader without abandoning the women behind her.

Until now, Marissa Mayer has avoided any affinity with working moms but when you declare war on telecommuters, you declare war on the working moms, so now she is forced to face them. Unlike Google or Facebook – the darlings of the valley – Yahoo has to fight to attract and retain top talent, and family friendly policies are essential in doing that. Top consulting firm McKinsey, has realized this, recently taking measures to stop their own brain drain – attracting their former consultants turned moms back to the company. They have computed their human capital losses and now they want those women back.

With her new telecommuting policy, Mayer blindly eradicated the symptom, not the problem.  And in doing so, she is threatening her human capital. Yahoo’s telecommuting culture wasn’t working properly so she should have taken steps to fix it rather than eliminate it. Not just for the sake of the 300 telecommuters, but for the sake of her talent pool, emphasizing results over face time would have made the difference.

Marissa Mayer didn’t ask for the working mom poster girl moniker but she will have it anyway. There are two ends of the spectrum when it comes to being a working mom. There is the leave-the-workforce end or the CEO of the public company end. Yet when you have Donald Trump defending your new policies, it is as glaring a sign as any that you have gone off the deep end. Let’s encourage Mayer to take a swim with her own female talent pool and partake in a new and improved reality.

Pamela Druckerman

America’s parenting culture – 100% sacrifice and devotion – dooms working parents and it certainly doesn’t reflect our reality; 70% of children now live in households where both parents work. Even the research shows that intensive parenting causes kids to suffer. The reality and the research scream for a cultural change.

Unexpectedly, France has the answer.

I recently had lunch with bestselling author, Pamela Druckerman, who was hard pressed to think of many French moms who don’t work. Here, directly from her new book, Bebe Day by Day, are 8 ways that French culture is a better fit for American parents:

1. “The French ideal is that no one part of your life – not being a wife, a worker or a mom – should eclipse the other parts.”

2. “Even those in stable marriages calculate that not making their own money would leave them financially vulnerable in case of divorce. And they think that, sans paycheck, they’ll lose status and decision making power at home, and become less interesting to people outside of it.”

3. “The reigning view in France is that if a child is a woman’s only goal, everyone suffers, including the child.”

4. “French moms understand the temptation to feel guilty. But they don’t want to spoil their precious free time. When they meet up for drinks, they… take pride in being able to detach from their children and relax.”

5. “French women want other adults to see they have nonmom lives too. They know that if you act (and dress) as if you have a fascinating inner life, you may soon find that you actually do. “

6. “A Frenchwoman who spends most of her free time shuttling her kids between extracurricular activities isn’t seen as a devoted mom – she’s viewed as someone who has dramatically lost her balance.”

7. “French women don’t feel selfish for caring about their appearance. Looking good improves morale and makes you feel more balanced.”

8. “Parisian mothers think it’s perfectly reasonable to weigh the impact on their own quality of life when making choices for their child.”

So the next time you are tempted to take the path of guilt or imbalance or blame, infuse your parenting culture with a bit of c’est la vie.

Samantha Ettus coaches working parents through her nationally syndicated weekly radio show, best selling books, regular keynotes and television appearances. Connect with her on Twitter here.

English: Love heart (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Do you love your work? Given the deadlines, politics and responsibilities, on some days this can be a hard question to answer. Here is a solution. I have taken 8 popular love quotes and substituted the word “business” for “love.” If you agree with these redesigned quotes, then today you owe your work a box of chocolates.

1. “The hunger for business is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread.”

- Mother Teresa

2. “Business recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.”

- Maya Angelou

3. “You know you’re in business when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”

- Dr. Seuss

4. “Where there is business there is life.”

- Mahatma Gandhi

5. “We waste time looking for the perfect business, instead of creating the perfect business.”

- Tom Robbins

6. “To lose balance sometimes for business is part of living a balanced life.”

- Elizabeth Gilbert

7. “Life without business is like a tree without blossoms or fruit.”

- Khalil Gibran

8. “Business is the flower you’ve got to let grow.”

- John Lennon

Samantha Ettus coaches working parents through her nationally syndicated weekly radio show, best selling books, regular keynotes and television appearances. Connect with her on Twitter here.

1. Limit the Family Photos


Having more than two photos on your desk makes people think that you would rather be somewhere else. (Double standard alert – for men, family photos have the opposite effect.)

2. Don’t Complain About Your Personal Life


Nobody at work needs to hear about your child’s stomachache, the babysitter who called in sick or the play date gone awry. Save it for close friends and make sure the rare personal phone calls are kept at a low volume. When colleagues ask about your family, keep it light and feel free to tell a funny story.

3. Maintain a Neat Desk


People are stereotyping about how busy your life is so don’t give them a visual reason to assume you can’t handle it all.

4. Be a Self-Promoter

When you or a member of your team succeeds, make sure people know. You aren’t going to win the hours game but you can ace the results game.

5. Make Work Friends

Take the time to create and maintain these friendships. They play a dual role of fulfilling you socially and being your eyes and ears within the company.

6. Attend the Office Party

More happens at office social events than we realize. To maintain your relevance and status within the company, treat work social events as anything but optional.

7. Opt Out of Office Gossip

It is a high stakes game and you have too much on the line. Just don’t do it.

8. Maintain a Structured Schedule

Have a consistent in and out time each day. If you aim to leave work by 5:20 and colleagues know that, they are less apt to schedule a 5pm meeting.

9. Network Outside of Your Company

You need to play long ball which means that networking should be a priority. Those industry contacts can be pivotal to your future career security.

Samantha Ettus coaches working moms through her nationally syndicated weekly radio show, best selling books, regular keynotes and television appearances. Connect with her on Twitter here.

Experts Weigh in on 2013 Resolutions

Chances are you have never accomplished your New Year’s resolutions. By June, 54% of people have abandoned theirs and by the end of year, just forget about it. So instead of pie-in-the-sky resolutions that require unrealistic leaps, focus on small lifestyle changes with achievable and permanent results.

Here are the top five New Year’s Resolutions and how to replace them:

1. Lose Weight

The number one New Year’s resolution is losing weight yet 95% of dieters regain the weight they lose.  So why torture yourself? As a would-be dieter, if you make small lifestyle changes instead of dramatic deprivations, you will achieve greater success. According to Dr. James Beckerman, cardiologist and author of The Flex Diet, “The two most effective behaviors are easy and free: weigh yourself daily (and write it down), and keep a food diary. It’s about making mindfulness part of your routine.  Both behaviors are proven to help people lose more weight than dieting.”

2. Get Organized

If your grand plan is to get organized, you might have dreams of filing every last piece of paperwork, putting all of our online photos into albums, and more. Instead, organizational expert Julie Morgenstern recommends changing your ways for the future: “When you finish using something, place it back in it’s home immediately. Instead of thinking of it as ‘putting it away,’ think of it as ‘setting it up for it’s next use.’”

3. Spend Less, Save More

To bring this grand statement back to reality, two finance experts weigh in. Farnoosh Torabi recommends that you: “Check your bank balance daily. You need to know where you stand so you can make healthier choices.” Daily Worth founder Amanda Steinberg offers this: “Make sure you’re moving your savings into an actual savings account. Money moved to a separate savings account is less likely to be spent. So much of fluidity comes from proactively saving for things like summer camp months and months in advance.”

4. Enjoy Life to the Fullest

Resolving to enjoy life to the fullest because it is January 1 is a little bit like waiting for a tragedy to appreciate your life. To not live a full life with what you already have is like buying a new car and only using 20% of its features. Therapist Robi Ludwig suggests you incorporate your dreams into your daily life. “First write down what your dream is. If your goal is to be in a satisfying relationship, break down your goal into small and manageable steps: i.e. Let your friends know you’re interested in being matched up and join an online dating site.”

5. Stay Fit and Healthy

As much as we would love to start working out tomorrow (and five times a week!), it doesn’t usually happen that way. 60% of gym memberships go unused despite the optimism resolution makers feel in January. So this year, why not take the stairs instead of the elevator or walk your child to school instead of driving him. Fitness guru Gunnar Peterson lets us in on a magic wellness tip: ”Make sleep your priority for one month, get as close to eight hours every night and see how you feel/look/perform in the gym, at work, as a parent and a spouse. You’ll be amazed.”

So scratch those resolutions and turn to these small lifestyle changes to yield the giant 2013 results you seek.

Samantha Ettus coaches working moms through her nationally syndicated weekly radio show, best selling books, regular keynotes and television appearances. Connect with her on Twitter here.

1.    To Create a New World

Imagine following only the people who interest you; a world not made up of all of the people you have ever met – like you have on Facebook – but instead a community of people that you have handpicked and would like to know.

2.    To Do Research

Twitter’s search engine is a portal for up-to-the-second information on your industry and your interests. There is no better tool for getting data on what people are thinking and saying.

3.    To Broaden Your Network

You will meet new people and forge real relationships without leaving your home. As entrepreneur Melissa Stewart puts it, “The more I tweet, the more I learn, the more connections I make, and the more opportunities come my way.”

4.    To Keep an Eye on the Competition

You can check out your competitors without sneaking. BakeSpace Founder Babette Pepaj uses Twitter to understand how competitive companies, “position their message and interact with customers.”

5.    To Get Corporate Attention

Recently I had a bad experience with Capital One rewards. I tweeted once and they made it more than right by responding immediately with a phone call and a generous solution. When I fell in love with online toy store Magic Beans, I tweeted the owner to thank her for the great selection and free gift wrapping.

6.    To Find Curated Content

Twitter allows you to identify thought leaders in your field and gain access to their content – what they are reading, seeing and whom they interact with.

7.    To Stay on Top of the Latest

Whether you are a solopreneur or a corporate mogul, you are more valuable when you are on top of the latest news in your industry – and the world. As Harvard Business School Professor Andrew McAfee explains, “Twitter gives me a great idea of what’s new, what’s important, what’s hilarious and what’s generally not to be missed.”

8.    To Access Recommendations

Why limit hearing about the latest great book, movie or food trend from your In-Real-Life friends or Facebook friends when you can access the world on Twitter.

9.    To Be a Thought Leader or Curator

If you have original thoughts about your industry or have an eye for information, don’t keep them all to yourself. Twitter is a great way to broaden your audience fast.

Samantha Ettus coaches working moms through her nationally syndicated weekly radio show, best selling books, regular keynotes and television appearances. Connect with her on Twitter here.